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Deflamer: Fireman of the Future



I got TOTALLY RIPPED OFF!! That Celtic album is AWFUL! The whole thing is just a bunch of guys screaming curse words over butchered versions of Celtic folk songs! Besides the vugarity, I literally couldn't understand a word they were saying. PLUS, the MIMK bonus track doesn't even exist! I kept trying to skip to it but all I found was just a track explaining how to make a drink out of Codeine. I COULD NOT BE MORE UPSET!

Luck of the Irish!

I'm on top of the world today! After a bad start to the morning, (I lost my Metrocard in the Union Square subway station which still had over 9 dollars on it; Major Sleeve) I ended up walking the 14th street tunnel for a hour waiting for the rain to stop. After about 45 minutes, a Nigerian man came in and started selling "bootleg" or "illegal" cds on a dirty blanket. I couldn't believe it. In BROAD DAYLIGHT this guy was breaking the law! Then I saw this cd for a new Celtic album and I flipped...
I'm a HUGE lover of all things Celtic, especially the music. After ten years of collecting, I thought I had everything but I had never even heard of this album nor the record's producer "Trey Gunz"! I was particularly pumped up when I saw the "bonus" (extra/free) track was none other than Meadow in Moonlit Killarney. My jaw nearly hit the floor. Normally I'm not into Celtic Pop but MIMK is probably my all time favorite top 40's hit and this version was by a brand new group called the "Bankhead Eastside Ridahz". I HAD to have it! After a few minutes of haggling with Udofia, I was able to walk away with the disc for only 18 dollars! The album isONE OF A KIND! (Udofia told me you can't even find it online...sucker!) I'm sending this post from my new smartphone and rushing home to crank this baby! I can't wait!!



I'm organizing a party next weekend and I could not be more pumped! The theme is (not surprisingly) Escape From New York and all things Kurtis Russell! I literally spent 6 hours mocking up the fliers at Kinkos today but it was WELL worth it. Check out how bad ass this is!:

Some of Snake Plissken's face got a little messed up in the color copier so the final product ended up looking more like this:

But who cares! It still looks like "Chingada Mierda!" like my friend Ceasar says. (Mierda means "really cool" in Spanish and chingada means "very very") I invited everyone from The Hard Rock to the party and got a LOT of nibbles! Can't wait for next Saturday!!!


I haven't written for over a week now due to a pretty severe flu I contracted, (which I'm pretty sure was due to the eletricity being shut off in my building). It's not like I couldn't pay the bill, I'm still pretty flush from the sale of my half of the house (40% to Claire's 60! Uch!) but unfortunately, my landlord 'Gay Tony' couldn't cover HIS protion, so the whole building had to suffer. Unreal! Luckily, Gay was able to "push some weight" around so we're all paid up through January 1st and the lights are back on! Just in time for me to start job hunting in ernest. Wish me luck!



I took this photograph on my camera phone on my walk home. The guy on the right threw a piece of corn at me shortly after this photo was taken. Isn't the quality great? I really like this new phone!



Everyone at the Hard Rock knows about my blog!! The only person I told was Caesar and I didn't even think he understood what I was talking about because he only speaks spanish! I guess I'll have to watch what I say around that guy in the future!!I hadn't been to the Hard Rock for over a week and it was pretty awkward when I got there. Randy and Dave wouldn't talk to me and Stacey brought me a burned bowl of Original Onion Rings. I tried to find Caesar so I could tell him "no me gusta what you did, Caesar" but I'm pretty sure he was hiding from me because I saw him crouching behind the Lou Reed's Pants Display Case at one point.
Later, when I was coming out of the bathroom, I ran into Karen who was looking pretty good that day. She had little bits of food in her hair and on her face because I had knocked over the tray she was carrying, but I didn't mind. She still looked good to me. Karen told me not to worry about those other guys. She said that free expression was a 'right' and not a 'privilege' and I should keep on expressing myself, "otherwise what are we here for?" Then she had to go put on a band-aid because of the cuts on her face. I felt pretty good when I left and decided to walk home, which is WAY farther than I thought it would be. This city is WAY bigger than Casas Adobles!


I haven't had the best holiday season so far which is exactly why I haven't been writing in my blog as much.
For my money, I'll take the age old wisdom that says, "if you're gonna be a grumpy gus, you shouldn't ride the bus with us!". That's what my grandmother always used to yell at us at least, which was ironic seeing as she was possibly the biggest "grumpy gus" I have ever met.
Anyways tonight is New Years Eve and I still haven't heard from Claire yet. I called earlier and some other guy picked up who I'm nearly possitive was a DIFFERENT guy then picked up last time. Whatever. Screw her! I live in THE BEST CITY IN THE WORLD NOW!! Plus I'm pursuing my lifelong dream, which is a LOT more impressive than being an accountant in Arizona and being tied down in some loveless new relationship! 2010 is going to be MY year. You hear that Claire and Richard or whatever your name was!? This is DEFLAMER'S YEAR!!

If you type in "happy new year" into a google image search, this is the first picture that comes. A guy name Trevor's blog made it to wish his friends happy new year. I wonder if I met Trevor if we'd be friends. I'm guessing we wouldn't.

Merry Christmas

I went down to the famous Rockefeller Center today to look and the big tree they have there. It was pretty fun but kind of annoying because there were a lot of people and I couldn't get a hold of Claire and the kids to let them know about all the fun they were missing. Also, I tried to ice skate but they didn't have my size which is VERY specific of 12 and 1/8.

*This is what the tree looks like. Only when I was there is was raining and the lights where temporarily off.



You'll never believe what kind of TRASH you can find on the internet without even meaning to!! I am THIS CLOSE to sleeving it right now, believe me. Hmmmmpppff!
All I was trying to do was look for some decent footage of Fire Fighters whilst training on (learning purposes) when I stumbled across a video starring Smokey the Bear. Naturally, I was extremely excited, I've been a huge fan of Smokey's since I was a kid; he's helped me get through some really rough times.
Then I noticed the title of the video: "Smokey the Bear is Retarded". What!? What the hell does that even MEAN?! I clicked on the video and was horrified to find a DISGUSTING, DEGRADING piece of TRASH that not ONLY insults STB, but degrades the very idea of fire safety!
The video was posted by a young man with the alias "wacky arsonist", who is obviously a child and a coward. I have re-posted the video here and encourage all readers to post strongly worded, negative comments and bad star ratings to let this person know just how damaging and hateful his stupid video is. Thank you.
- The Deflamer


Have You Ever Noticed?

I went for a walk in New York City's famous Central Park today. It was the first time I had ever been to the park and I must say: it was a real eye-opening experience!
The whether was terrific; the sun was out and it was exactly 73 and 1/2 degrees. Since it was Sunday, the park was really crowded with a lot of couples and young families and people, playing games and having a good time.
As I was sitting by one of the ponds wiping mustard off of my pants, I noticed a young couple playing with their baby and eating sandwiches.
It kind of got me thinking.
They all looked so happy and nice. It sort of reminded me of the time that Claire and I took the kids to "Big Surf" in Tempe, AZ. Now that was a perfect day. Everyone had such a wonderful time and there was no shouting about job security or who was a f*****g moron or why that person was such a f*****g moron. It was just the four of us, being a family and not yelling at each other, hardly.
When I got to Times Square I took a picture of a mural I saw in the subway. It's a really good mural, I think.


Adam's 4th Birthday!

My little Adam turned four years old today! It seems like just yesterday I was getting the call that he was born. Claire sent a video of his party (Claire-bear if you're reading, thanks a bunch!) He looks so happy, but don't take my word for it, see for yourself below! Feeling great, The Deflamer.



A Frustrating Day...

Today was a frustrat- ing day. To start with, I called Crystal Airlines this morning (4 the millionth time!) and was told that my suitcase wont arrive until next month! The operator said she was "very sorry" and said that if I wanted she could send me a certificate for two free cocktails on my next flight. I was so P.O.ed! I gave her my new address. The certificate will be here in 4 to 6 weeks.
After that, I went to Bally Fitness and that's when things got worse. It turns out I can only bench press 80 pounds tops and I can only do that for 5 "reps" (Reps means "times" at Bally's). All the other guys in there are huge an can bench like 200 pounds. How the hell am I suppose to bench 300?! I was really depressed after that so I when down to the water and just screamed for a while. When I do that I do it into my sleeve or in my mind so I don't bother anyone or get sent to an asylum. I wish Claire would get her head out of her ass. Whatever, her loss!


Hollywood comes to town!

This week they're shooting a Reality Show on my street called "DEATHTOLL"! It's diffucult to tell what the focus of the show is, but they appear to be reenacting the beating of a wizened negress. The whole neighborhood is in high spirits. It’s a real cops and robbers shoot ‘em up!!


Rebel Yell!!

The past three mornings I've promised myself that I would wake up at 6 AM, drink a glass of eggs (ROCKY!) and run straight to the gym and work it out. I've broken my promise three times, until this morning when I finally pulled myself up, drank a glass of eggs, and headed over to the BTF.
I had a whole routine that I picked up off the homepage of BODY BUILDER. I was going to walk on the treadmill for five minutes to warm up, then stretch, work on my lats (65lbs - 8 sets), biceps (75bs - 8 sets), opposite of biceps (75lbs - 8 sets), legs (100lbs - 8sets), back (90lbs - 8 sets), and chest (400lbs - 16 sets).
I was so happy to find that the gym was pretty much vacant since it was 6:30AM and most people in my neighborhood don't get up until noon. I went to "warm-up" on the treadmill and found that it was "OUT OF ORTER". I went to the other treadmill and it had the same misspelled notice. Unreal!! Per the homepage I had to walk for at least five minutes before hitting the iron.
I asked the lady at the counter if there were any operative treadmills. She said 'no' and that I should try the stationary bike. The stationary bike!? I explained to her that the BODYBUILDER directions had specifically said "treadmill" but she had stopped paying attention. I got so mad that I began to yell into my sleeve for a solid 30 to 40 seconds. The lady at the counter was pretty weirded out at that point and asked me if I would like her to call the police. I said 'no' and left. When I got home I found another dead bird on my doorstep.

(the dead bird)


Mr. Popular!

I hung out at The Hard Rock Cafe all day today. I got there at 11 o'clock in the morning and had an early lunch of a Blackened Chicken Sandwich and Potatoe Skins. It was a really good sandwich and washed it down with an Arnold Palmer (a drink Arnold Palmer invented in Arizona!).
I told the waitress, Karen, how much I liked the sandwich and we got to talking. She lives in Hoboken, NJ and was nice. That afternoon I meet the WHOLE Hard Rock family. Karen introduced me to Stacy who introduced me to Anna Lucia who introduced me to Eric. I also meet Dave from the kitchen, Randell the busser, Stephanie the host and Caesar from the kitchen. Everyone was very nice but Karen and Caesar are the nicest. (They even gave me free refills of Arnold Palmers!)
For dinner I ordered another Blackened Chicken Sandwich and a side of "Original" Onion Rings. THAT Chicken Sandwich was even better than the first one and I told Karen so. She said she was "glad to hear it" and smiled. When I was leaving Eric said "Be sure to come back tomorrow, buddy!" It sounds nice when I write it, but I'm pretty sure he was being "sarcastic". Eric is my least favorite person at The Hard Rock.


Fire House Rules

You'll never guess where I went today: a real life New York City FIRE STATION!! Station #21 is located at 38th street and 10th avenue and it is the coolest place I have ever been to in my life. How I ended up there is a funny story too: I followed a bunch of firefighters on their lunch break!
When I got to the station I was so nervous I just stood around outside for a while whistling. Some of the FFs (Fire Fighters) finally asked me what I was doing there and I told them that I wanted to be an FF too and guess what? They LET ME INSIDE!!
They didn't want me to take any pictures in there but I did get to take a tour and hang out for over 20 minutes! It was so exciting and inspiring. I even got to meet the Chief who's name is, get this: Gavin "The Axe" Madigan. That's his REAL name: "The Axe"!! I told "The Axe" about my dream of being an FF and he started choking. He was eating pistachio nuts and one must of gone down the wrong pipe. After he had some water, "The Axe" told me that if I really wanted to be a Fire Fighter, I would have to bulk up a lot. He said that being an FF was EXTREMELY dangerous and he needed guys would could bench 300 pounds or more. I went straight to Bally's Gym and signed up. Then I went to Kinko's and made this photo of me as an FF!


You Know Who I Hate?

You know who I hate?: Eric at The Hard Rock. Yesterday, I went in there, just to pick up a to-go order of one Joe Perry's "Rock Your World" Quesadilla and a side of potato skins and the first thing he says is "Check it out everybody, the retard is back" and then he pointed at ME! Yeah, I'M retarded! I have close-set eyes, puffy features and talk like an idiot. I bet he felt like a retard when only Randall and Dave laughed.
I don't know where that guy gets off when he doesn't even take pride in his work. I've heard him talking openly about how much he hates The Hard Rock and he even told Caesar that he doesn't think the food is that good (which is insane). I took my Joe Perry and my potato skins to see the Statue of Liberty which was very breath-taking. I felt like an immigrant -- having braved the rocky journey from my former homeland of dead-end work and a sarcastic wife -- kissing the ground of the land of the free.
Eric thinks I'M retarded. That's unbelievable.



I went back to The Hard Rock Cafe today for lunch. And this time I brought my camera! Check out these great pics!
(I had the blackened chicken pasta)

Holy crap! What a day!



Here is a photo of my new neighborhood. I think this is going to be a great place for me. My new neighbors were REALLY excited to meet me, they even offered to move in all my stuff for me!! Everyone actually seemed disappointed when they found out I didn't have anything!
After I got my keys (YES!) I decided to celebrate. I went down to Times Square to eat at my favorite restaurant; THE HARD ROCK CAFE.
The Hard Rock
has the best food and the best atmosphere of any restaurant I have ever been to. They have a Hard Rock in Phoenix but the one in Times Square is ten times better. There is so much rock history and rock paraphernalia there. For dinner I had the Santa Fe Spring Rolls to start, the "Twisted" mac, Chicken and Cheese entree and a vanilla ice cream for desert. Now, that's a lot of "Eats"! ("Eats" are what they call food at The Hard Rock). On the way home a homeless man tried to push me down a flight of stairs. What's WRONG with people?!


Good News

Fortuna's Wheel has spun my way!! My apartment opened up two weeks early and I can move in tomorrow! Apparently, the previous tenants were evicted for dealing a HORSE (????) Whatever! It's great for me. PLUS, it turns out that the building is NOT being condemned, so I will be able to live there for up to a YEAR!

I was so excited I called Claire and the kids. I'm pretty sure she's changed numbers, because some guy kept answering the phone. I know what your thinking, but I don't think Claire has taken a lover. I heard what sounded like a party in the background and trust me -- Claire HATES parties (Ugh!!!)

I can't wait to have my own place so the boys can come visit. I'll get a video game system and order some pizzas and they'll love me.

12:37 AM

Great. I just came back to the room and found that someone had peed all over my bed. Guess I'm sleeping on the floor tonight.



I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! Someone broke in and took EVERYTHING I OWN! Even the beanbag! I'm just lucky my suitcase hasn't arrived yet, otherwise I'd have lost all my clothing too. You should have seen Pacman and Jin this morning, they were SO upset. Pacman kept giggling out of nervousness; I think this whole thing has shaken him to the core. Luckily, I slept with my Canon Powershot digital camera around my neck, so I still have that.
After getting nowhere with the police I called Crystal Airlines to get the status on my bags and guess what? They're in ARGENTINA! The operator, Minty (seriously!) from Colorado, said that this has never happened before, Crystal Airlines doesn't even FLY to Argentina!! And now someone needs to use this computer so I need to go. Things couldn't get any worst!


Day Two

Today was a GREAT day!! This morning I got up early, ate the rest of the orange I had saved, and headed down to the "Eat&Cyber Cafe" which is down the street from the Y. After spending only 3 hours looking for housing, I finally found AN APARTMENT! It's located on 167 street in East Harlem in a neighborhood called "La Guardia del Satanas" (Looks like I'm going to have to brush up on mi ESPANOL!)
The apartment is only 400 dollars a month + utilities, which is just inside my price range!
It won't be available for another 2 weeks but I was so excited I immediately ran out and bought a whole bunch of stuff at my new favorite store: Bed, Bath and Beyond (Arizona, eat your heart out [You too, Clarie!]). Here is a list of all the things I bought...

- 1 dining set, complete with table and 3 chairs
(so we can all sit when the boys come to visit)
- 1bean-bag to watch TV from
- 1 TV stand to put a TV on
- 3 TV trays to eat dinner on
(one for each when the boys come)
- 1 set of silverware: (expensive but worth it)
- 1 "Toastermaster" toaster
- 1 Pot, grey
- 2 sets of curtains, dark red; like a fire engine
- 1 coreless telephone, white
- 1 laptop carrying case, black
- 2 "back to college" style lamps (independence, Claire!)
- 1 fern in a blue pot

After that, I went straight to Radioshack and bought a BRAND NEW LAPTOP (which I am typing on right now!!!)

When I brought everything back to the YMCA there was barely enough room for myself and my two suite mates; Pacman and Lil' Jin! They we're very complementary of all my purchases but I could tell they we're jealous. Things are really looking up!!!


The Big Apple!

Finally, I made it to NEW YORK CITY! What a RUSH!!! I've never seen so many people and cars and buildings; no wonder Kurt Russell wanted to escape from here! I feel like I'm living in a dream world. I can't say it's been easy so far though, not by a LONG shot. First there was the 12 hour lay-over in Chicago (thank you Crystal Airlines!) and THEN the mix up at baggage claim (my bag doesn't arrive until tomorrow afternoon) I was about to lose it! Seeing that New York skyline made it all worth it though; simply breathtaking. I'm on cloud nine! (No thanks to you Claire!)
Unfortunately, the place Ernie set me up with is not going to work out, so for the time being I am staying at the Chinatown YMCA on Bowery street. It's better than you think though, the rooms are small but tidy, and my neighbors seem in good spirits. Tomorrow I will go looking for an apartment, wish me luck!